Thoughts are Trouble

::::wrote this a few weeks ago::::

Feeling indecisive. 

I want to paint again today but I was contemplating what to listen to. I really didn't feel like writing, but I wanted to listen to vinyl. However, I am saving my tangible music for this blog. bleh. 

So I decided just to start writing and so now I'm going to put on a record.

Today's spin: 100 Ton Chicken, Chicken Shack.

I am very confused because the last album I listened to was "Accept Chicken Shack" and I'm not sure if the two are related.

...

Okay so I was confused on my last blog entry. Blue Horizon is the name of the label "Accept" is the name of the album

So, in conclusion; same band, different album.

Here goes nothing.

Im on side two.

This music makes me want to dance. Fast and slow. 

 wrote this a few weeks ago...

now listening: James Gang- Live in Concert

I realized today that I am lonely. I realized it last night actually. I was reading a book and the romance in it felt so warm that it made me long for it myself. I sat and thought about how long it had been since I've been in a relationship and it's about exactly three years. I couldn't believe how much time had passed, it felt so close yet so far away at the same time. It made me wonder how much time before I would be in another relationship? It feels like that territory is no where in reach. No prospects. No one of interest. And I will be honest with you, I really don't dwell on relationship status. In fact, the intriguing thing about this sequence of thoughts is that usually I pride myself on being single. I revel in it, in the freedom. Because despite all that's been said, I am not going to force myself to couple with someone who is just anyone. ...there is filth in that statement... I don't know how else to say that.

I am really liking this album. Very bluesy with a classic rock and roll tempo.

And today, I really felt lonely. Like being in my apartment with no one to talk to, no one to call, no one to play with. I've been reading books the last few weeks. It's definitely guilty pleasure reading, but I feel like it's been filling a void that I have been desperately trying to fill. There is certainly a lot of romance, but the main part that has me pinning for more is the trait that the main characters can talk to each other telepathically. Because they are linked by a magical bond that tethers them together. As much as people want to rag on these particular books, there is something special about the bond between the two main characters that is eerily familiar in my hauntings. It reminds of a particular time when I felt that I was able to communicate telepathically. And as silly as that sounds, I believed I could, and I believe I did. The communication wasn't as clear and effortless as the bond that is portrayed in the book, but it was a bond.

I am on the fifth book and I just had to take a break. I just needed a break from the pages to get myself together in the real world. The void that the books were filling were that relationship, that closeness with someone. I have no one. I am close with no one. 

I am hearing some Neil Young.

Side B.

First song I actually recognize. "Walk Away" I like the drums. 

-did some things-

Put on another album. Elton John- Tumbleweed Connection. We all know Elton John is great, but I haven't heard most of these songs so far and they do not disappoint. I have to admit I'm not particularly listening to the lyrics. But the guitar and of course piano is satisfying. More blues than I've ever noticed in Elton Johns music. Okay. So admittedly, I haven't really listened to Elton John now that I think about it. Just hits on the radio. I mean, I know I like those songs. I did watch the movie. But this album and the James Gang both albums I would definitely listen to again. Gladly. 

Took my meds.

Side B.

Reminds me of James Taylor with the acoustic guitar and fingerpicking folk sound.

....

fast forward to today

....

Today: March 13th.

I'm going to have to start keeping better track because I start writing and then I leave it and then start writing again.

Todays Trax on Wax: Jackson Brown- Saturate Before Using.

Side A:

I'm painting today. I did some prep work yesterday to start two new paintings. I'm trying to use a technique I used a long time ago in some attempt to bring my artwork into a more cohesive range. I seem to be all over the place.

For some reason I expected Jackson Brown to be more blues and it seems to be more folk to me. I don't know if I've ever heard of him, or if his name just happens to be such a popular combinations of names Jackson. Brown. ?

Its sounds like James Taylor and The Eagles combined.

...And here is a song I recognize. lol "Doctor My Eyes"

I got caught up reading some of my old text messages from my Dad last night. I didn't cry. But it did make me miss him. And now the tears are welding.

I wish my feeling about my Dad and my family weren't so conflicting. I loved them. I loved them all and now when I flip through my catalog of memories I feel like I see them differently than I did before. Like the veil I used to keep over my eyes has slid.

Side B:

I like this. Whatever this song is... "Something Fine".

I'm going to paint for a while....

...

At first I felt like Jackson Brown was going to be a generic folk singer. Because I was getting a lot of James Taylor vibes in the first track, but I really liked side B. I felt like he was really telling stories...

I kind of hate when people say "story telling" when it comes to art and music because I feel like its something that someone started saying that made a lot of sense, and the people who do tell stories with their art tend to be lasting beacons in the world. However, I feel like now people overuse it, every time I turn around someone is saying that so and so is a "story teller" and that's suppose to be the ultimate compliment for a songwriter or artist. And because I do believe it is the "ultimate compliment", I feel like the compliment should be given more meritoriously, like, yeah, they may be a story teller, but are they a part of the ubiquitous poem that is interwoven throughout time via truth?

This could be a tangent on Truth and the tight rope walk that it is and how once you start burying your life with lies, the more you deviate from the truth. Once you deviate from the Truth then your stories are just lies. Unless you delve deep in yourself to reveal the lies, in which case would then again become the truth.

But I'm not getting into that right now. I think I'm going to put on a different album.

...

Its another Jackson Brown- The Pretender

In case I haven't specified this, I am playing these albums in the order they were unboxed and put on my shelf. I have not organized them yet so it is almost random which one I picked.

This album has really strayed from the folk sound of the previous album and has moved into, dare I say "pop rock". At least the first track so far. Still feeling an Eagles vibe and the piano sounds like Phil Collins- even though I know he's a drummer.

I'm sorry if my musical knowledge consists of "this sounds like this other music" instead of a more eloquent vocabulary of musical terms.

One thing I like about this experiment, which maybe obvious, but I like that I'm listening to things I've never heard before. And it doesn't feel random or a carbon copy of something I already love like I get on Spotify.

Now, this could be because I am listening to vinyl on what I believe to be albeit vintage, a high quality sound system. And this is something I want to talk about, but I want to finish my previous thought first. So, we'll come back.

But I found myself in a rut when it comes to music. I don't want to listen to my old favorites day in and day out. I've spanned into their musical influences. I've found new artist continuing the genre. And while I love emo, alt, grunge, punk and even some metal and hardcore... my ears are craving something different. And of course familiar in a wholesome way which always makes for the best music. I think we've all figured out that formula.

But listening to this has my irritation at ease. That I am listening to something different, and familiar. Its just already had been. I have the urge to repeat everything I just said, but phrase it slightly differently and I feel like that would be repetitive and annoying. However, I'm not sure if I sound like the cliche millennial that is -so over- everything popular. But I guess that's a chance I'm going to have to take because I want to get back to painting. lol.

....

1:56p made some lunch- Avocado Toast ---don't judge me 😑

"you knew the answer"- voice from the distance of my mind

I like my painting, it's turning out well. Honestly I could stop right now and most people would say it's finished, but I feel like I need to add more. But I'm oil painting so I need to let this layer dry before I can do anymore.

Honestly, I don't even know what I'm painting. The whole painting is based around something that I saw in something. Like how you see shapes in the clouds. I wish I could remember what exactly it was that I saw it in. What I saw was just a head. A weird head that looked kind of adorable in an Edward Gorey kind of way, which is just my style. So I took the head, put a body on it, put him in the forest with a moon/sun and I guess that's where I am at right now.

Are we really listening to three albums today?

Okay, whats next?

...Stevie Wonder- Fulfillingness' First Finale

First thing I noticed about this album, before even putting it on, is that the jacket is in really good condition compared to the others. Not sure if it was one less listened to or maybe he got it later than the others. I realized when I looked up the album, that I should give more specs on the albums I'm listening to...

Stevie Wonder

Fulfillingness' First Finale

1974

Motown Records

Definitely feel Michael Buble. And I know that MB sounds like Stevie, but it was just my first thought.

Trailing on the thought of liking listening to different music. I'm not sure if anyone else has the music platform dilemma that I have-- that everything is more of the same and the different is just some derived version of the same. "Derived" is an idea that I'm sure I didn't invent, but I use the term to describe music that sounds like a one-or-maybe-two-or-three off of something that already exists. Wow. just got a Lumineers moment. Just for the slightest moment. 10 zillion. ---But a lot of music that I hear sounds like a copy. And I don't even have to know the original source, I can just tell. Which is weird. Because mostly, all music is essentially "derived" right? Right. But there is a specific sound that I'm talking about that I can hear in the music that makes the music sound hollow. And I can hear the hollowness in the sound because whatever they are copying, or deriving from they left the soul out of it, the colors. Okay, I won't repeat this all over again. I just wish someone could shake their head at me and say, "no, yeah, I get exactly what you're talking about, I hear it too."

Okay, time to start on painting two.

Big Sigh.

I'm feeling outshined. But I'm okay with it, at least I want to be. Because I would never want to steal or take away from someone else's shine, to make my own shine brighter. But I feel like I've done that before too. 

I guess that's why I'm the moon. I reflect the light from the sun to light the night sky for the sun when it can't shine.

3:11p. I feel like this day is long, but I'm happy its long.

And I was grooving to this song.. and again it's 10 zillion. 

3:30p feel like I hit a wall. Need the paint to dry on all three of the paintings I'm working on before I can add anything else. I want to keep painting, but I'll just have to wait until tomorrow.

I should probably clean and get some other things going

Enjoy a shot of Fells Point I took over the weekend.