Back to the Bend

Sunday, April 7th, 2024

3:08p

"We're back to the bend."

Moody Blues

Seventh Sojourn

1972

Threshold Records llc

At least that's what it sounded like he said.

I'm was in a grumpy mood yesterday, but I wore myself out. See I designed this table for a project I was working on and my boss helped me make it because he's good a carpentry. When I brought it back, I realized I made it in the wrong dimensions, at least one side of it and I wanted to scream. I went back to figure out how I made that mistake because I know I measured like 20 times. Well, on the measuring tape I was using at the bottom read in inches and the top read in feet + inches so 29 inches at the bottom said 2ft 5in. And it doesn't look as obvious as how it's typed here so I kept reading 25" instead of 29" and the table ended up being 4" short. ugh.

Luckily, the table still worked for what I was using it for, but it's one of those situations where I know in my mind it will always be 4 inches too short. Hopefully I wont think about it too much.

I pierced my lip the other day. I pierced my lip when I was in 7th grade with a nail I found in my bedroom. I can still remember the feeling of each layer of skin ripping as I pushed through a dull nail. When I was 19 I got it pierced by a professional. But they put the hole next to scar that was there from when I was a kid. Oh, I didn't mention that my dad, full of tattoos and long hair, made me take it out, immediately. Over time I accidentally let the hole close up. Back when I was in my early 20's most places still wouldn't let you work with facial piercings. I should also mention that I had my septum pierced when I was 20 and that I could always flip up. But for reasons I really can't explain both piercings disappeared from my appearance.

A couple of years ago I tried to see if my septum hole was still there and to my surprise it was still open. Probably because I kept it longer when I didn't have to take it in and out all the time. But my lip hole did close up. So now I had two scars on my bottom left lip. I've been wanting to put it back in, but I just don't want to go to a place and so I put it off for a long time. Just until a couple of days ago when I decided to just do it myself did things finally change.

I went and got a brand new sewing needle out of my work room, the thickest I could find and went into the bathroom and tried to put it through the hole that was already there. It could go mostly through up until the last millimeter or two. I could see it through the membraneous layer of skin in the inside of my lip. But no matter how hard I pushed, I couldn't get it through, until probably a good full minute of pushing did it go through. I couldn't get the hoop through, it was too big of a gauge compared to the sewing needle. I did this three times. I made a new hole on the inside three times, before I could finally force the hoop through. It was so painful that I stopped feeling pain by the time it was finished. Going through scar tissue is a lot less fluid than fresh flesh.

It's weird, but one thing I pride myself on, one thing that is probably my greatest strength is my extremely high pain tolerance. Physically and Emotionally. I don't know if I should go on about this or just leave it be. But I'll repeat it: my greatest strength is my extremely high pain tolerance. I think that is the only really positive thing I can genuinely say and feel about myself.

My therapist, when I was talking to him, told me to make a list of all my strengths or things I like about myself. I can't really remember the specifics, but he told me to do it a couple of different times. Every time I tried to do it, I couldn't think of a single thing. Not one. single. thing. So now I have a thing!

4:09p Side I was done for a while, but I got carried away type. So I finally flipped to side II and I think I'm going to get to work for a little while.

6:01p

I have only gotten one pencil case done in that time, but it's pictured and uploaded onto the store. Its call "Sterling" because it's shiny and silvery and very pretty. But it shouldn't have taken me 2 hours. That's way too long especially when I already had the fabric cut. jeesh. Mood Blues has been done for a very long time and I was too invested in what I was doing to flip the record or put another one on. I wish I had more to say about it, but it really didn't do anything for me. It wasn't bad. I didn't hate it. I didn't have to turn it off or anything that dramatic. It just didn't stand out to me in any way whatsoever.

Something I didn't say earlier that was the whole point of telling the story was that when I finally put my lip ring back in, I felt like I was more me than I've felt in a long time. Like it was missing and now it's back. It's been a couple of days and it still does hurt. I guess that's how some people feel about tattoos. I know I feel that way, like when I get a tattoo it was something that I needed to get. At least I wish I felt that way. I only have two tattoos and if it weren't for my mind I'd have a lot more. But I get paranoid about things and that paranoia is why I don't have more.

As I was putting away The Moody Blues I was reading some of the lyrics on the sleeve and maybe I should give them another listen, maybe when I have the lyrics in front of my face. I put on another album:

Uriah Heep

Mercury

The album doesn't have name or a year recorded. So I looked it up. It's self-titled and from 1970. I also learned just by looking up that info that they are from London. This is definitely more of what mood I feel like than The Moody Blues. I know I'm doing the comparison game again, but I feel like I hear Black Sabbath and Kiss. So, what I really should say is they are definitely metal. But I guess that early metal had more...... melody? I don't know if that's the right word? I don't know how to say that I think more contemporary metal isn't as chill. This is like "rock-and-roll" metal. And now there is like over 100 different sub-genres of metal. Maybe it has to do with pedals?

6:27p I'm going to do one more pencil case and then I'm done sewing for today. Lets try to get it done in under and hours. Time me, okay?

7:42p

sigh. I worked so hard on this one but it just didn't make it. I fucked up so many things that I'm just calling it. This one... was a learning experience? I don't know. But I'm hungry and tired.