"B" Side Poem #1

What's the meaning of this

tormented bitterness I feel from the universe?

How can I balance a lazy eye?

What will you make of my life?

I can handle the pot boiling over.

I can handle any problem with solutions

I know no other way.

I'm fixed on the straight and narrow

and all I see are lies with an arrow

shot straight through to nowhere.

I dream. I dream I die pitifully. slowly.

For answers that throw me 

into depths of despair.

I've killed. I'll kill to end suffering

because its fair.

Then why God not show me the same mercy?

Unless its real behind the curtain?

I'm shameful. I'm laughed at.

Mock and disregarded as lame and retarded.

Worthy of nothing wonderful.

Where is the love?

The magic I've captivated in my imagination?

If that's not real, I don't know life is worth living.

Where is my part? My gift, my light

To give to the universe?

I have to have one, right?

​

It was good when I lied?

It can't be the way to give real life a try...